The Total Transformation Program Review

Like every single mom I know, I love my children more than I ever thought possible. Every day since the day my 4-year-old was born has been a life-changing, eye-opening view into everything that I ever heard or thought that I knew about parenthood.

Which isn’t to say that things have always been easy. My daughter was a laid-back, easy-going baby that, when she turned around 18 months old, began to get opinions. From pretty much that time on, she has still been my loving, caring, amazing daughter… just now we have to also deal with the arguing, power struggles and backtalk that comes along with her.

Having tried a variety of methods in the past (that failed), when I heard about The Total Transformation Program by James Lehman, MSW, I was eager to give it a try.

A step-by-step, multi-media program designed to help parents manage challenging behaviors in children and teenagers, The Total Transformation Program uses cognitive learning theory and behavior management techniques to help all ages change their behavior. Complete with DVDs, CDs and a 116-page workbook, this kit offers practical, real-world solutions for the most common and challenging problems that we all face.

I was able to review a 3-CD abridged version that contains key lessons on the concepts and methodologies found in the complete Total Transformation Program. Right away I was interested in finding the key ways to deal with difficulties that arise with kids but without taking quite as many hours of my time.

CD 1: 10 Ways to Turn Around Your Child’s Behavior in One Minute or Less.
This disc is a compilation of 10 simple techniques Dr. Lehman has developed and used with kids for over 30 years. Given in a way that parents can put them to use immediately, these tips are made so that you can see quick, positive changes in your kids.

I thought these interventions were interesting and, although many of them seemed obvious, I wasn’t sure that as a parent I was already following them. For instance, parents need to Assume Control by giving simple statements and directions. Don’t ask kids why they didn’t do something they were supposed to, they’ll just give excuses that you don’t want to hear. In order to see improvement in children, changes must first start with the parent and the way that they interact.

Another technique that really caught my attention was Disconnect and the way that it is important to cut off communication when the child becomes disrespectful. My 4-year-old definitely knows how to push my buttons and instead of engaging with her and keeping the conflict going, I need to embrace Dr. Lehman’s phrase, “Don’t talk to me like that, I don’t like it,” and then turn around and walk away. This sounds like it would ease the hassle and headaches for everyone!

CD 2 (Lesson 1 from the full set): Why Does My Child Act This Way? The Real Causes of Obnoxious and Abusive Behavior.
The first portion of this disc deals with the common questions that parents have and Dr. Lehman’s answers. It brings you inside the minds of kids with behavior problems and helps to show where their defiance, disrespect and other inappropriate behaviors are coming from. For instance, children develop compensatory behaviors for things that they don’t know how to deal with. If they are angry and don’t know what to do to solve it, they might become violent only as a way to compensate for what they are feeling.

The second portion went through characteristics and practices of kids with obnoxious and abusive behavior. Such things listed were Wishful Thinking, Pride in Negativity and False Apologies – which sounded very familiar to me. My daughter often apologizes (when forced to) but there is always a reason for the action. Dr. Lehman points out that children who use the “I’m sorry, but ___” and give a reason like “they kicked me first” that it is more of a way of placing blame for what happened instead of actually being sorry. Instead, kids need to use the phrase “I was wrong” and take full responsibility for their actions.

CD 3 (Lesson 4 from the full set): Transformation Tools: 27 Tools to Change Your Child’s Behavior Now.
After having listened to the previous discs and gained an understanding as to why kids’ behavior problems occur, this CD gives you the tools to begin changing the issues. Focusing on the behavior management techniques that parents can use to promote accountability and responsibility in their kids, Dr. Lehman shows you how to create behavioral change by being consistent and making children responsible.

I found many of the tools included in this lesson interesting, such as Stop the Show (stop the car or leave the store) and move on. Depending on the age of the child, don’t let them manipulate you in public. Say you are going to leave and then just do it.

Consequences establish the boundaries between right and wrong, because we all know there have to be limits. There must be rules in our home that cannot be broken and have clear consequences that go with them that make sense. One example given was that instead of taking the phone away for 24 hours because your child cursed, tell them that they can’t use the phone until they don’t curse for 2 hours. Keeping consequences brief but effective will make sense and prove the point.

I thought two of the tools that were especially important were Esteem and Strategic Recognition and Affection. With Esteem, it makes sense that you have to show your child that you hold them in high regard. If your expression and words don’t match the caring message you’re trying to get across, kids will pick up on that.

In Recognition and Affection, Dr. Lehman suggests finding something positive and successful in the child’s life and complimenting it before trying to move into the conversation that you want to have. Take something from somewhere in their life that you can use to give a boost of self-esteem and build them up and then discuss what you would like them to change. My 4-year-old is a wonderfully caring big sister, so I could point out what a great job she is doing taking care of her little sister and then move into talking about how important it is that she demonstrates good behavior for her to model. I think this tool would work on quite a few adults as well, who doesn’t like to be complimented?

—

In the end, we all know that we are our child’s first and most important role model, so the Total Transformation Program teaches us how to do that more effectively. It doesn’t claim to change obnoxious, disrespectful, hostile, rude behavior overnight but gives parents hope that through many small successes that your child can start to transform into a happy, successful child.

My daughters are on the young side of needing to change a lot of their behaviors, but having this available will definitely come in handy over the years. I liked the way that Dr. Lehman talked in a clear and friendly manner and makes you feel as though he really cares about your family and how you relate to your child.

By acknowledging that parents don’t receive any training for raising children and that they need to be sure to have the tools and help to bring about change, this program can help you realize that maybe some of the techniques that you’re trying aren’t working and that it’s okay to try something else. It’s never too late for a positive relationship with your child!

More specifics and purchasing information for The Total Transformation can be found on the website of their publisher, Legacy Publishing Company.

This post was written for Legacy Publishing Company who provided an abridged version of The Total Transformation for review. The author was not compensated in any way except for the complimentary product.