In Memory of D

July 9, 2007

About a year ago, a really good friend of mine passed away. I still miss her.

It happened one morning when she was getting ready to take her 8 year old step-son to school. While she was backing out of her driveway, another car slammed in to hers then proceeded to leave the scene. Luckily, a witness followed him and got his license plate number.

D was pronounced dead at the scene. Her son was taken to the hospital in critical condition. He’s doing a lot better these days but it’s still an uphill battle for him. He’s in physical therapy for most of the week and still hasn’t returned to school.

D was younger than me but she always reminded me of old Hawaiian royalty. If she had lived back in Monarchy times, I’m certain she would have been a Queen or at the very least, a Princess. She was an advocate of the Hawaiian culture and had very strong political views when it came to the rights of Native Hawaiians. I still remember when a reporter had printed a story criticising Israel Kamakawiwaole - calling him a fat Hawaiian who played a ukulele. She responded with a 5 page letter that definitely put him in his place. We were all so proud of her.

I still think of her often. However, the reason I thought about her today was because I was trying to find a phone number in my cell phone contact list. Since her last name starts with “A”, she was the first name I saw. I looked at the number and it brought tears to my eyes knowing that I’ll never dial it again.

For a brief moment, I considered deleting it from the list but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. It felt like I would be disrespecting her.

Do you think that’s strange? Would you still keep the number listed?

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Aloha from Peachyswamimommy, AuthorMomWithDogs, Eve, Meredith, Scone, Angela, Pinks & blues girls, Christine, La Bellina Mammina, Momto3cubs, Pamela, Julie, Summershine, TopChamp, Wendy, Mary, Jenn, Desert Songbird, Holly Schwendiman, Wendy, Melissa, Yoshi, Sparky Duck, Tracey, Jill, Renee, Dana, Carmen, Maribeth, So Dak Angel, Pass the Torch, Lorri, and Carey

33 Comments on “In Memory of D”

July 9, 2007
12:42 pm

Carey said:

Im so sorry to hear of your loss. I hope they caught the guy who hit their car.
I dont think its strange to keep her number. Its a way of holding on to her, it may serve as a great reminder of the wonderful times you two shared…or conversations youve had.
Your in my prayers today, as well as her step son.

July 9, 2007
1:05 pm

Lorri said:

Keep the number. If and when you’re ready to delete it, you’ll know.

July 9, 2007
1:18 pm

Pass the Torch said:

I don’t think that’s strange at all. I think I’d do the same thing. How sad…

July 9, 2007
1:19 pm

So Dak Angel said:

I don’t think it is strange, it is a way to remind you to honor her memory, which you just did. I think it is a lovely idea to keep the number.

July 9, 2007
1:23 pm

Maribeth said:

All in good time. Remember, those we love are never really lost to us, as long as they live in our hearts.

July 9, 2007
1:30 pm

carmen said:

Not that it’s anywhere near losing a friend like that, but I kept my ex’s number in my phone for a long time. To delete it was like admiting it was really over. For you, to delete your friend’s number is just too sensitive right now. May I suggest putting a “Z” in front of the name, so it appears at the bottom of the list. Maybe that’s step one?

July 9, 2007
1:33 pm

Dana said:

So sorry for the loss of your dear friend..and in such tragic circumstances too. Heartbreaking. As far as the number thing, I don’t think it is silly to keep it, one bit. Not at all. As long as it brings you positive feelings, leave it there. Celebrating your friend by recalling her in your memory frequently by seeing her name - well, that is a good thing. But, if you didn’t want to see it all the time, you could take carmen’s suggestion for adding a “z” to the front…if you wanted.

July 9, 2007
1:39 pm

Renee said:

Wow what a tragic story. I’m so sorry for your loss. It sounds like your friend’s passing was a loss for everyone. Hugs.

I’ve not been in the position to delete a number of someone who passed away…yet. There are a few that are coming up but we are expecting those. Your friend was a totally unexpected death and much harder on everyone. Keep the number as long as you need it. Do like Carmen suggested when you’re ready.

July 9, 2007
1:49 pm

Jill said:

I don’t think it’s strange at all. When my grandfather died, I left the last call from his house on my caller ID for months… maybe over a year… so I could see his name on my phone. The only reason it’s not there now is because we moved and got new phone service.

So sorry for your loss. What a horrible senseless tragedy.

July 9, 2007
1:52 pm

tracey said:

I haven’t lost a friend yet… I’m sorry you did… I can only imagine that little things like cell numbers and odd bits of her memory that catch you off guard are the sneaky, hard things that make mourning difficult. If you can look at her number and not be too upset each time, then keep it. I think, eventually, you’ll delete it off. And it will be sad again, but you’ll be more willing to make that next final step.

July 9, 2007
2:58 pm

Sparky Duck said:

Its not strange at all. I would still keep the number, until I was ready to give it up *hugs*

July 9, 2007
3:16 pm

yoshi said:

I’m so sorry about your loss. We’re in similar shoes here.

My wife still hasn’t deleted her friends number from her cell phone either. Probably won’t either, and I think that’s ok. While it seems like something so trivial, it’s so very not trivial.

July 9, 2007
3:19 pm

Melissa said:

I don’t think it’s strange to keep the number. I think we need to keep little things around of people who have touched our lives. If seeing her phone number helps you remember all the great things you just posted, then why would you delete it?

July 9, 2007
3:32 pm

Wendy said:

I’m sorry for your loss. What a tragedy!

I am a sentimental person and would probably leave the number in there for a while.

July 9, 2007
3:43 pm

Holly Schwendiman said:

Awww what a sweet tribute post. Tragedy has a way of finding us even when we hope we’re immune. I’m so sorry to hear of your friend’s death and the circumstances surrounding it. I’m glad you didn’t delete the post. ;)


July 9, 2007
4:24 pm

Desert Songbird said:

It’s not strange. I had a friend who passed away suddenly five years ago. I still have the last e-mail she sent me. I wish I had talked to her before she died; we had lost contact, and the e-mail she sent me was a way of “reaching out.”

You’ll know when it’s time to delete it and “let go.”

July 9, 2007
4:41 pm

jenn said:

my great grandma passed away last june. this year, her birthday was already marked on my calendar.
I just didn’t have the heart to erase it. Also, her e-mail, phone number and address are still in my contact list.

I don’t think it’s odd at all. I think it’s a nice reminder. She sounds like a wonderful lady.

July 9, 2007
5:16 pm

Mary said:

I don’t think that is strange at all. It’s good to remember, and her number will always be there (or as long as you need it and want it) to remind you of all the wonderful times you shared as friends.

Sending ((((hugs)))) your way.

July 9, 2007
5:21 pm

wendy said:

I would keep the number too. Someday you may delete it but for now I don’t think it is in any way strange that you don’t.

July 9, 2007
7:21 pm

TopChamp said:

I still have my ‘aunty’ betty’s number in my phone list. She died 2 years ago (on my birthday) and was like a granny to me when I was little. I like having it - a little prompt now and then to remember her and how great she was.

July 9, 2007
8:30 pm

summershine said:

As the previous posters have said, it’s not strange.
Sorry for your loss.

July 9, 2007
9:40 pm

julie said:

My husband lost one of his best friends to cancer at age 42 over two years ago. I was using his cell phone the other day and noticed that his friend’s name is still in there. (Coincidentally, also beginning with A) I asked him about it and he said he just wasn’t ready to delete it yet, that somehow it comforted him. I know that after my dad passed away 8 years ago, I still had his email address in my address book until I got a new computer…

July 10, 2007
1:33 am

Pamela said:

It has taken years for me to remove loved ones from my lists.

July 10, 2007
5:12 am

momto3cubs said:

I don’t think I would ever delete that number.

I still have quite a few deceased people in my address book and calendar.

So sorry for the loss of her. She sounds wonderful.

July 10, 2007
6:29 am

La Bellina Mammina said:

I’m sorry for your loss. I still have my late husband’s mobile number on mine, even though it’s been 9 years now. Maybe I’ll follow Dana’s advice.

July 10, 2007
5:40 pm

Christine said:

I’m so sorry about your loss. I don’t find that strange.
In a way saving the number on your phone is a way of keeping the memory of her alie, and I would keep it as long as you want to, even if you never do delete it. *HUGS*

As for the Isreal K. forgive me for not spelling it out, I love his version of “Over the Rainbow”.

July 10, 2007
8:17 pm

pinks & blues girls said:

What a horrible tragedy. I am so sorry for your loss, and for what her family has had to go through.

I don’t think it’s weird at all that you didn’t delete her number. It is a way to remember her and the fact that she was a part of your life.

Jane, P&B Girls

July 10, 2007
9:29 pm

Angela said:

I don’t think its strange at all to keep the number. Its a subtle reminder that helps you through your grieving process.

July 10, 2007
10:29 pm

Scone said:

Sounds like most of us would be shocked if you had deleted it. ;-) Seriously, I still keep the email address of my dear friend who died 3 years ago at age 35. I still can’t bear to delete it. Hugs to you and to her family.

July 11, 2007
4:13 pm

meredith said:

Yes, I would keep her name. I am sorry you lost your friend.

July 11, 2007
7:56 pm

Eve said:

wow I’ve never lost a close friend. Very nearly, when one was in a plane crash. She’s never been the same since, but every once in awhile I will glimpse the old girl I knew. My condolences.

July 12, 2007
1:17 am

AuthorMomWithDogs said:

If you have to ask whether you should keep it or not, I’d say you’re not quite ready to delete it.

July 14, 2007
2:33 am

peachyswamimommy said:

I was just catching up on the week’s posts and came across this one. Have to admit, it touched me, too. I lost my Dad 3 years ago (in June). He went to play tennis after lunch with Mom one Monday, and never came home. Coincidentally, my birthday is July9th–a date I shared with my parent’s 2nd wedding anniversary. So, as I read this post from my 39th birthday/which would be their 41st anniversary; I smiled through misty eyes. See, Mom just (finally) got a new cell phone. For years she never used one, until Dad died. Since then, she’s used his, which means when you call and get voice mail, you get Dad’s voice! I know it makes her happy to hear him…. Meanwhile it drove the phone people crazy trying to find a new phone that would take her same memory card so she wouldn’t have to reprogram anything (and cold keep Dad’s voice). So, I guess I don’t have to delete that phone number from my directory…

Thinking of you and feeling for you — the sorrow of losing someone close never really disappears. It just seems to morph and change with the passage of time.

Be well.

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