He Owes Me Big Time

March 12, 2007

My husband has a part-time job on Maui at a local surf shop where he’s been working since high school. In fact, we still refer to it as his “after school job”.

Tonight the company is celebrating their anniversary on Oahu which means all the employees have to fly over. He invited me to come along but I thought he would probably have more fun just hanging out with the guys.

Anyway, as he was walking out the door, he casually mentioned that some of the guys may be spending the night at our house.


Of course this got an unpleasant reaction out of me. Why couldn’t he have told me this earlier? Did he clean up the spare room? What about the bathroom? How many is “some”?

He couldn’t understand why I was upset. “No worry,” he said. “The house looks fine. They know how messy I am.”

That is so not the point. I feel like a messy house is a bad reflection on me, even if it’s not my mess. What makes it worse is that his friends don’t have kids of their own. How can they understand the tornado effect that follows my daughter around? Or the hand prints on the couch from Baby Bug’s rice crackers. I’ve been meaning to clean it up but what’s the point? Another set of hand prints will replace it tomorrow.

Anyway, can you guess what I’ve been doing all evening while he’s been out partying with his friends?

What about you? How important is the appearance of your home?

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Aloha from Bex, ModernMami, Meredith, Tiggerprr, Melissa R. Garrett, Waya, Melissa, Lakshmi, Holly Schwendiman, Liz (Looney Mom), Christine, Pamela, Sparky Duck, Elizabeth, BeachMama, Maria, Jennifer, Mommy the Maid, Stephanie, Write From Karen, Sam, Wendy, Lainey-Paney, Twisted Cinderella, Carmen, Debby, Yoshi, Monkey Giggles, Renee, Mary (Mert), Desert Songbird, Jackie, Carey, Dana, and Anne

37 Comments on “He Owes Me Big Time”

March 12, 2007
10:37 am

Anne said:

omg I would have kicked his arse. lol Very important. If I know someone is coming over then yes I clean this house up like it should be cleaned everyday but lets face it I have kids, the house isn’t that clean every day.

March 12, 2007
11:38 am

Dana said:

I would have been P.O.’d too! I like for my house to be very neat and clean. I say LIKE FOR it to be…it isn’t usually…but when someone comes over, it is my excuse to finally do it! And, I do have a kid and a dog so it isn’t going to stay that clean anyway….

March 12, 2007
11:49 am

Carey said:

I dont blame you for being upset, i would be too. I need to have my house clean to before someone comes over, but I am learning that people(those with kids anyway), understand about the toys on the floor, and the crackers on the couch. I think about how i feel when i go to someone house and they have toys on the floor or crumbs on the couch…it doesnt bother me..Im not there to inspect their house, im there to visit with the people of the house…so i try to remember that about my house(not that it always works that way..i still run around a clean up)

March 12, 2007
11:52 am

Carey said:

I would have been upset too. I try to have my house cleaned up before people come over as well. Although i try to remember how i feel when i go to peoples houses. I dont go there to see how neat or messy there houses are, i go to visit and enjoy their company. So i try to apply that concept to when i have company over..doesnt always work that way, but i try.

March 12, 2007
11:53 am

Carey said:

Ok, so i posted twice…when i submitted the first comment, it didnt show up, so i thought it got deleted, so i retyped. oh well…sorry.

March 12, 2007
11:56 am

Jackie said:

My home must be clean but I have to admit it is very untidy. I live alone and spend many hours on the net and rarely put things back to where they should :(

March 12, 2007
1:04 pm

Desert Songbird said:

It’s not even the cleaning up part so much as the lack of privacy, the inability to keep to your own routine, the disruption to the kids, etc.

I would have been royally ticked off myself. Ugh.

Oh, and I’m with you on the cleaning and straightening up part. I mean, I wouldn’t want anyone to see my kids’ bathroom in its normal state!

March 12, 2007
2:21 pm

Mary (Mert) said:

Yeah, he does owe you. What a stinker! Honestly I would like to say that he should know better, but my husband has done the same thing to me before.

I’m just glad to know that I’m not the only one with a messy house. I used to be really picky, but now I’m like you… It’s just going to get messy again tomorrow. i pick up toys once a week to vacuum , that’s about it! LOL!

March 12, 2007
2:27 pm

Renee said:

Yeah, most men don’t get the “woman’s pride in a nice house” thing. They’re like “oh they’re bachelors, they live in worse filth than this!”

I got lucky and my DH takes more pride in the house than I do…so he cleans it when he feels it’s too messy. Sometimes I’m bothered by that…usually because he doesn’t clean it my way and I’ll have to redo it later.

Explain to DH the rudeness of his inviting people over w/o telling you…no matter how he thinks about the house. It’s ignoring your feelings.

Hope it all went well.

March 12, 2007
3:48 pm

Monkey Giggles said:

I think mommy’s see things that NO ONE else can see….FOR SOME REASON….

March 12, 2007
4:52 pm

yoshi said:

Hehe. Yeah guys are really casual about that stuff. You probably should explain it to him though, because you know guys don’t understand that stuff.

Why would they be spending the night anyways? that’s just the curious part of me asking hehe.

March 12, 2007
4:55 pm

Debby said:

I have this argument more times with my husband then I like to admit. I lose my mind when he pulls surprises on me like that! He’s a slob…plain and simple and my daughter is a mini hurricane. I’m not a neat freak, but I do have my limits. The argument got so escalated that now we have cleaning people come in once a week. If I was a SAHM that would be one thing, but we both work full time. I want to spend time with my daughter when I get home, not clean.

March 12, 2007
4:58 pm

carmen said:

men just don’t get it. geesh. As for me, I don’t care as much about the appearance of my house. I mean, as long as it’s clean, the “stuff” doesn’t bother me. But my mom is SUPER anal about her house.

March 12, 2007
5:05 pm

Twisted Cinderella said:

I so completely get what you are talking about! Men just don’t get it.

March 12, 2007
5:29 pm

Lainey-Paney said:

Um, I’m the same way about the house being clean!

A couple of weeks ago, cops showed up at my house looking for me.
Husband called & told me…my 1st thought: “well, was the house clean????”.
My hubby was totally freaked. They were serving me a subpoena for a work-related court case. No biggie. Husband was then pissed at me b/c the 1st thing I thought about was the house being clean!

March 12, 2007
5:30 pm

Wendy said:

Men don’t seem to understand how we feel about our homes. I feel the same way that your home is a dirrect reflection of you and mine always has to be perfect if people are coming. It is far from perfect most of the time so my husband knows better than to spring something like that on me. He has done so in the past and regretted it.

March 12, 2007
6:51 pm

sam said:

It kills me when hubby does that!! Waits until the very last minute to tell me that someone’s coming over! “Oh honey, by the way, my boss and his wife are coming for dinner!” HUH? No no no!! lol! And he always waits until the girls have been home all day to make the biggest mess possible. It’s amazing…the way that men can get on our last nerve, isnt it? ;)

March 12, 2007
6:55 pm

Write From Karen said:

Hhm, not very important. But it depends on who’s coming over. The kids’ friends, for example, could care less and notice even less. (However, I am curious sometimes what the kids tell the parents about our home). So, I don’t put forth a lot of effort to clean up; I’m more likely to just straighten up.

But now my mother-in-law. *sigh* She’s the kind of person who ALWAYS wears lipstick and can get away with wearing silver (yep, I said silver) shoes. Anyhoo, she’s a snob and having a clean house is important to her (not to mention her hobby, don’t even get me started) so I try to keep things clean for her surprise (oh yes, I said surprise) visits.

I’d happily strangle that woman if no one would suspect it was me. (Alas, I’d be the first they’d investigate).

So yeah, I can empathize with your reaction to your husband’s nonchalant announcement. In fact, my husband would most likely be hobbling to his work thing after dropping that little bombshell on me. lol Good luck!

March 12, 2007
9:24 pm

Stephanie said:

Oh that would have made me MAD!! My house has to be clean before people come over, although DH is the same way… he knows that a dirty house is the reflection of the people who live in it, so he likes it to be clean as well. Hope your cleaning went well.

March 12, 2007
9:51 pm

Mommy the Maid said:

I am the same way. My home is a reflection of me. If my house is spotless and gleaming, it says “wow, what a neat freak…those poor neglected children”. Or if it is seen right after a few “tornados”, then it’s “wow, those poor kids not even having room to play wiht all that mess. What does she do all day?”

Good thing my house is small an no one really likes to come over much anyway.

March 12, 2007
10:13 pm

Jennifer said:

Yes, I agree, my home is a reflection on me even if it is messy from children and husband toys, snacks, clothes, and whatever else they like to leave around. They don’t look at the house and say, “Well, they have young kids” or “He is so messy.” They think, “Doesn’t she do anything all day?”

March 12, 2007
10:22 pm

maria said:

in my experience, if it’s a bunch of guys….they don’t notice. while some notice may have been, you know, nice of him, you shouldn’t sweat it too hard. men don’t notice things we do.

March 13, 2007
12:32 am

BeachMama said:

Oooh, I would have been cleaning too! I would have been mad at myself for not joining in on the night of fun too. Why is it that guys do that? Drop the bomb as they are walking out the door? I will say it is pretty cool that he still works at the surf shop :).

March 13, 2007
1:11 am

Elizabeth said:

It’s funny how I can totally let my house go in terms of what I look after during the week… then, on my weekends I just go wild making sure that I feel like I can, at least, relax in the filth. Just joking, I really do clean it so it is no longer filthy! But, yeah, people just showing up.. then I am a rude hostess and I just clean the entire time!

March 13, 2007
2:06 am

Sparky Duck said:

Yea, I would be a dead man.

To me, the house needs to be lived in neat for company, for the wife, it has to be inspection neat. Which explains why we dont have company too much

March 13, 2007
3:06 am

Pamela said:

oh no.. you shouldn’t have cleaned up.
They’ll just make a horrid mess. Then he could clean it up tomorrow!!!

March 13, 2007
4:01 am

Christine said:

You know, I’m with Pamela, I’ve found my husband is like another kid. I clean, he makes a mess. You’ll end up cleaning double. Have him clean tomorrow when they leave.After he makes you breakfast in bed! :) I would have been very upset too. I don’t mind my husband going out with his friends, but asking them to spend the night, he knows by now, I wouldn’t like that! As for my house, it’s got the 4kids live here look, and I’m with you, the fingerprints will just be there tomorrow.

March 13, 2007
5:17 am

Liz (Looney Mom) said:

Yup, more notice would be nice huh? It’s embarrassing when the house it trashed - which is most of the time with 4 kids. But right now I’m happy if my BLOG looks good! LOL! :D

March 13, 2007
5:27 pm

Holly Schwendiman said:

Oh I SO feel your pain, I’d have been doing the exact same thing! Guys just live under different assumptions of life than us. I’d have been pretty unhappy with my hubby if he’d dropped me a bomb like that with no notice. ;)


March 13, 2007
6:57 pm

Lakshmi said:

Honestly, I would’nt stress out THAT much. It will probably enlighten all the bachelor boys that visit what having a kid could do to the house ! :) And usually men don’t notice.
But, if I were having a woman guest, yes, I would be all broom and mop !

March 13, 2007
7:22 pm

Melissa said:

WOW - I would have told them to pitch a tent in the yard. :D If I know we will have company coming, I try to clean the house as much as possible. But, like you, I have kids… so it’s not ever REALLY clean.

March 14, 2007
12:00 pm

Waya said:

Oh, he so owes you big time alright!! You and I are the same as you’ve commented on my recent post about my prepping the house for Sophia’s big party this past weekend. It’s a big reflection on me if the house is a total mess, especially when the in-laws are in town.

So, I’m thinking maybe a nice spa day out with your girl friends will do after he comes back!! ;-)

March 14, 2007
8:56 pm

Melissa R. Garrett said:

My husband most certainly would have gotten an ear-full from me! I am SO paranoid about the way my house looks because, like you said, you feel like it’s reflection on you.

I would have been grumbling and stewing.

Why don’t guys think about these things?

March 15, 2007
2:59 am

tiggerprr said:

I might have killed him. LOL :)

March 15, 2007
3:33 am

meredith said:

Oh man… he would SO be in the dog house with me, Kailani!!! Seriously!

A clean house is VERY important to me, even though I am not the best (or even a good) housekeeper. I would be so uncool with that little announcement.

But then, they might be too tired after their party that they just crash and never pay attention to the house. GOOD luck!!

March 15, 2007
8:37 pm

ModernMami said:

Oh my God! I would have punched him for that! lol ;)

I feel the same, even if it’s not my mess, I think it’s a reflection on me. No matter if his friends “know” he’s messy, they will think badly of me, no doubt! How stupid is that thinking, right? But, it’s true. That’s how I think.

I’m sorry he didn’t get it and you ended up cleaning up at the last minute. How did it end up going?

March 17, 2007
4:41 pm

Bex said:

I would have thrown a fit! Before someone comes over, I have to make sure everything is in its place. I feel it is a reflection of me as well and I want to make a good impression! He definitely owes you BIG TIME. I hope it went well!

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