For Better or For Worse

April 24, 2007

On my last flight, we had an all-female crew. This included the pilots.

So, when we got to the hotel we decided to head down to the bar for a little debriefing. After all, how often do we get the chance to talk freely without the guys around?

Topic of conversation? Men, husbands in particular.

I’ve always known that I have a good husband. However, I just didn’t realize how great he was until I heard some of these ladies’ stories.

One girl says her husband has such a bad temper that she has to walk on egg shells around him.

Another girl said her husband refuses to take her on any kind of vacation. Her children are all grown and on their own. They only thing she could do was go by herself. No sense letting those travel benefits go to waste.

Then another one said her husband refuses to help out with any kind of domestic duty. When she asks him to do something, he won’t budge from watching television. She’ll have to keep reminding him until he finally starts yelling at her. She said it’s just not worth the fighting and ends up doing it herself.

And then there’s my husband.

He may not know how to cook but he never complains about what I prepare or what time dinner is on the table. And after 6 years of marriage, he still thanks me after every meal.

He may not clean up his messes but he also doesn’t complain if I don’t either.

He may be away for 4-5 days out of the week but that allows me to afford to stay home with my girls and be a real part of their childhood.

But one of his best qualities is his even temper. In the last 7 years that I’ve known him, I can probably count on my fingers the number of times we’ve had a real argument. That’s not to say we don’t have many one-sided ones (if you know what I mean). He just feels that arguing will not accomplish anything.

This is amazing considering the things that I have done to warrant an arguement:

  • Like the time I forgot to lock the door of his truck even though he double checked with me and I swore that I did. The next morning we found out that someone had taken something.
  • Or when I complain every time his parents want to stay with us even though it’s usually only a few times during the year.
  • Or when I finally admitted that I’ve been blogging for over a year now. I expected him to be suspicious since I’ve never mentioned it before. Instead, he offered to buy me a laptop for my layovers. He didn’t even ask me what my blog’s name was.

laptop.jpg

  • But this takes the cake. I had written a check and forgot to record it in the checkbook. He then wrote 4 more checks to pay some utility bills. They all bounced and we were hit with huge insufficient fund fees. I truly believe that I deserved a full blown lecture. And even though he was very upset, he still kept his cool and asked me to please make more of an effort to record my receipts.
  • He’s definitely a keeper.

    What’s your husband’s/wife’s/significant other’s best trait?



 
Aloha for stopping by Twyla, Debby, Eve, Mary (mert), Rach, Melissa, Karen is Thrifty, Christine, Zoe, Maribeth, Grace, Sparky Duck, Angela, Momto3cubs, The Queen Of Cute Shoes, TeaMouse, Waya, Jenn, Renee, BeachMama, Dana, Jordan, Holly Schwendiman, Wendy, Twisted Cinderella, Desert Songbird, Jill, Groovyoldlady, Maria, Write From Karen, Growing in Grace (Nicole), Author Mom with Dogs, TopChamp, and Trista

34 Comments on “For Better or For Worse”

1
April 24, 2007
8:08 am

Trista said:

I can say that without a doubt mine’s a keeper also! Why do you say? Well let me tell you about our Sunday, it should explain it all.

He got up at 7 am to do some work, the kids got up at 9…I got up at 11:30.

Moments later, he was making US breakfast. Of course, I helped but he didn’t ask.

Afterwards, he went outside and mowed the lawn.

Came in and went straight to helping Zach clean his room.

He then cleaned up the kitchen, loaded the dishwasher, and mopped the floor.

Hung up the clothes I had been folding.

And then we relaxed, took a shower together, and went to his mom’s for dinner.

He’s such a great man!

2
April 24, 2007
9:36 am

TopChamp said:

My fella’s great too. I’m an untidy slob and he copes very well. I’m also a musician with a ridiculously un-plan-around-able schedule and he is always available to pick me up if he has the car. Fingers crossed too that he about to make breakfast for us……………. but that might just be a step too far.

3
April 24, 2007
12:13 pm

Author Mom with Dogs said:

Sure makes a big difference when you start off with the right guy! Glad for you that you chose wisely. Mine’s a keeper too.

4
April 24, 2007
12:25 pm

Growing in Grace (Nicole) said:

Just like you I’ve felt very lucky when I hear about others’ husbands. One thing I appreciate about my husband is the way he does all those icky jobs that I don’t want to do around the house.

5
April 24, 2007
1:00 pm

Write From Karen said:

Thank you for posting this, Kailani. I get so tired of reading blog entries about what a jerk so-and-so’s husband is and all of the negative aspects of men in general.

Your husband sounds like a perfect gentleman and he must love you very much to endure the occasional mistake or two *smile*. He is most definitely a keeper.

We’ve been married for 17 years and quite honestly, I’m not sure why HE’S stuck around. I’ve been an absolute witch to live with (not now, but there was that time period) and when questioned WHY he stuck around? “Because I remember what it used to be like, when we first got married. And I kept hoping it would be like that again.”

My husband’s best trait? It’s hard to list just one, but I’d have to say his willingness to make things work - his determination alone inspires me and our marriage has never been more solid.

It takes two to make a marriage work and I think often times, women forget that men are a different species - they think differently, the react differently - and we must learn to adapt, and embrace, that difference if we want things to work out.

We’ve been through lots of ups, several downs but in the end, it’s all about understanding, and respecting each other.

6
April 24, 2007
1:11 pm

maria said:

of all the days…..I was just secretly cursing mine out, as I do, to avoid arguements, and here is this entry…FORCING me to admit he is not so bad. We were so young when we met, and we are the only 2 people I know who have been together since they were 20 (YIKES) and managed to make it work for over 17 years now. I would have to say we both have alot of faults, but his greatest trait is that he is such a hard worker. I know if it weren’t for me and the kids he would not work half as hard as he does. Providing them with a better life than either of us had is his only wish in life, and he does it well.

7
April 24, 2007
1:56 pm

groovyoldlady said:

My husband really goes out of his way to make me feel loved and appreciated. He thanks me for the housework I do. He praises me when I look good. He thanks me for the meals I’ve prepared (even when they flop), He teaches our children to honor me. I am VERY blessed!

8
April 24, 2007
1:57 pm

Jill said:

Today I am not interested in my husband’s good qualities, as he is in the doghouse lol… check out my post for the whole story! :-)

But if I had to force myself to come up with one, I guess it would be the way he just truly wants to take care of me. It used to be bother me at first, as a fiercely independent woman (I don’t need anyone to take care of me. I can take care of myself, thankyouverymuch! :-) But over the years, it’s so comforting to know that he would do anything for me and that he truly loves me with his whole heart and soul. That is something I never have to doubt!

9
April 24, 2007
2:03 pm

Desert Songbird said:

My husband has a terrible temper, he doesn’t see the need to display for affection, and he’s terribly impatient.

He’s also loyal, extremely intelligent, very funny, and a devoted husband and father. He is empathetic and compassionate with me about my illness, and will stick by me through thick and thin. He allows me time to do my own thing, and respects that I occasionally need time away to recharge and refocus.

I’d say he’s a keeper.

Sounds like you and I both are blessed.

10
April 24, 2007
2:07 pm

Twisted Cinderella said:

Prince Charming’s best trait is that he believes in me. He loves me the way I am but believes that I can accomplish anything i set my mind to. He is also an amazing father and husband.

11
April 24, 2007
2:36 pm

Wendy said:

My hubby’s has a lot of good traits. He has a lot of bad too but I won’t talk about those today. First off he has a GREAT sense of humor. Very quick witted. He has to be to keep up with me and my family. He is very smart and great at his job which takes him away from the house at 4a.m. and brings him home around 6 or 7 at night without complaint. He is caring and thoughtful and most importantly he is a GREAT dad. Most parents would be exhausted after working those hours, which I’m sure he is, but he still goes outside to play with Jayke every night after work or gets down on the floor with him to play whatever he is into that day. Yep, he’s a keeper

12
April 24, 2007
2:53 pm

Holly Schwendiman said:

Oh I know exactly what you mean! I too feel so blessed to have such a great guy. My dad has always had a really hot temper and it’s heavenly to be married to someone who is so even and calm all the time. I’m in awe of how great he is with his kids. He’s the first one to get on the floor and play with them, say yes when they want to play a game in their room or outside, etc. He’s also a fabulous cook and enjoys helping me out with that task as well as any other that I’m needing help with. But my favorite thing is how valuable and important he makes me feel. He’s always telling people that he’s got it easy going to work and I’m the one at home, how he couldn’t do what I do every day and doesn’t know how I do it. He’s always talking me up no matter where we are or who we’re with. He’s a genius but he makes me feel smart even though I can’t hold a candle to his brains. Above all, I can’t remember a single day in 15 years when he hasn’t told me he loves me, usually several times a day. Don’t know what I ever did to deserve him but I sure am glad about it!

Hugs,
Holly

13
April 24, 2007
3:15 pm

Jordan said:

You’re right, Kailani, great minds must think alike! So many of the things you said about your husband I could say about mine. How lucky we both are!

14
April 24, 2007
3:47 pm

Dana said:

um…do any of you guys also have great SINGLE brother in laws????? If so, let me know!!! ha
Dana

15
April 24, 2007
4:28 pm

BeachMama said:

I too am blessed with a pretty great guy. He works hard to provide for us and rarely complains. He loves us unconditionally and wants us all to be happy. Sure we all have good days and bad days, its how you weather the bad ones that keeps you going.

p.s. how did you tell him after a year you were blogging?

16
April 24, 2007
5:00 pm

Renee said:

Mine’s a keeper too…
He doesn’t make a mess and doesn’t get too bothered by my messes…if it does bother him, he just cleans it up. He even sorts his own laundry (I have color coded laundry baskets in our closet…toss darks in one, whites in the other.)
He doesn’t complain too loudly about how much money I spend. He just pays the bills.
He is an AWESOME dad! DD has had him wrapped around her little finger since day one when she slept in his arms at the hospital.
He never complains when I tell him we need to go out for dinner because I forgot to thaw something out for dinner.
If I sigh at dinner because I have to unload the dishwasher before I can load it with our dinner dishes, he’ll hop up and help unload the dishwasher.
We never argue (well mostly never). And he never yells.
He gives body melting massages!

AND… He thinks I should get a two piece swimsuit this year. I don’t think I have the body for one, but that he thinks I do sure makes me feel good. :D

17
April 24, 2007
5:28 pm

jenn said:

My hubby has a temper, but he’s so much better than when we were first married.

Also, he is patient with me. He accepts my faults and just moves one. There are times that I deserve being chewed out, because sometimes I goof. However he doesn’t fly off the handle for no reason.

He is always ready to help and in 4 years I’ve never cleaned the bathroom or taken out the garbage. I could never give that up!

18
April 24, 2007
7:27 pm

Waya said:

I thought you were describing my hubbie. I’ve often written about him in my blog, I dubbed him my “saint”. Like you said, he has a great temper too. We’ve been together for 15 yrs (married for 9) and we had maybe 3-4 big arguments and it was mostly due to in-laws stuff. But still, it was more me than him. He has this even keel temper about him.

My Mom said she has never seen him raised his voice with me under any circumstances, he’s patients with our 3 children, he doesn’t complain if the house is a mess, he pitches in, he says “I love you’s” as often as he can. We IM each other when he’s at work, and it’s always “I miss u” from him. I’m truly a lucky gal.

Glad we have something else in common!!

19
April 24, 2007
8:27 pm

TeaMouse said:

My husband is also a keeper. We both share duties in housecleaning and yard work, but he does pretty much all the cooking…yep ALL! I do it once in awhile but I don’t really like to cook - the trade off is that he likes it so it works for us. He does laundry, picks up dog poo - helps the kids with homework - treats me like a queen and has a very even temper. If I do something stupid he doesn’t get upset, I tend to be a bit more angry about mishaps than he is. The good thing is I married an optimist. It used to drive me crazy in the beginning as he always said ‘things will get better’ and when your down and out it doesn’t seem like they will. But they have and we’ve been very happily married for 18 years next month.

I can’t understand all these women who are married to men who won’t do housework, won’t take care of the kids. I know some people in my extended family where the men do nothing to help out. It’s very hard on the wife in those situations.

20
April 24, 2007
10:59 pm

The Queen Of Cute Shoes said:

My husband is the EXACT same way!

1. he cleans his messes AND mine.. and if something is dirty, he will get up and clean it before asking me to.

2. he always says that my food is great, even though I know it isn’t and I know he doesn’t like it.

3. he will always make an effort to tell me that I look nice, even though I haven’t taken a shower yet and my hair and make up is all messy and I am still in my jammies.

4. he always makes an effort to take me out to dinner once a week, just so I don’t have to cook.

etc, etc, etc…!

21
April 25, 2007
12:25 am

momto3cubs said:

Wow, you are a lucky lady.

It’s nice to know there are some good guys out there. After reading these comments I have some ideas of things to teach my boys.

22
April 25, 2007
1:59 am

Angela said:

It is SO refreshing to hear someone singing her husband’s praises and not bashing him behind his back. It sounds like you have a wonderful husband! (I’d say the best husband ever, but I’m afraid my partiality leads me to believe that I’m actually married to the man owning that title)

My husband:
Is an amazing Christian man
Rarely loses his temper
Never complains that he works so that I can stay home with our daughter
Loves spending time with our family
Brags on my cooking
Tells me the house looks great (sometimes even when I haven’t done anything!)
Does an awesome job keeping up our yard and the “handy man” things around the house…
and I could go on and on

23
April 25, 2007
3:26 am

Sparky Duck said:

She has patience for me when my dinner is supposed to be on the table at 8 and it does not show up until 930.

But, as a guy, I must comment. So, if the plane was flown by women, did it get lost? :)

24
April 25, 2007
5:56 am

grace said:

My hubby is waking up at 5:30 in the morning, cooks breakfast, prepares mine and kid’s lunch every day since we came to Dubai three months ago (he is staying at home until end of this month and starts a job on 1st of May). But even before, he would take over kitchen duties on weekends, bathe daughter and let me sleep longer. Also says “I love you” so many times in one day (in person or by txt msgs).
He doesn’t mind changing diapers and baby sitting, all these and more — to think he is Japanese (most Japanese men I know don’t want to have anything to do at home). We had arguments before, as many marriages and I always storm out, sometimes saying the dreadful word “divorce” but I am glad he did not agree to that suggestion!

25
April 25, 2007
10:58 am

Maribeth said:

He always makes sure the oil is changed and the fluid levels are full on my car. He mows the lawn, tends the trees and shrubs and he encourages me to explore my passion…my dachshunds.

26
April 25, 2007
12:03 pm

zoe said:

I think it sometimes takes hearing other people’s stories to remind us how blessed we really are.

27
April 25, 2007
6:20 pm

Christine said:

What I love about my husband the most is, we enjoy almost exactly the same things. He does help with a couple housework chores, he cleans the bathrooms, and does his laundry, and helps me cook dinner sometimes. His best attribute would be he’s a mister fix it. He’s saved us so much by being a mechanic, he’s fixed my dishwasher, my washer,and my dryer. He’s done our home improvements.
He’s a keeper.
The only thing we are different, I’m more even tempered, and he’s the impatient one. He still hasn’t learned to share, but he knows what makes me happy.

28
April 25, 2007
6:59 pm

Karen is Thrifty said:

Ding, ding, ding. I think your hubby gets the husband of the day award. You definitely have a keeper. Good for you!

My husband is usually pretty good with our daughter, which says a lot considering her tantrums and behavioral problems. He has a great bond with her. Every night he reads her children’s bible with her and prays. She’ll be thankful for these special times some day.

29
April 25, 2007
7:10 pm

Melissa said:

Your hubby sounds like a great man!
So many things make my hubby awesome! I’m not sure where to start. He is patient with my mistakes. He takes such good care of myself and the kids. He trusts me to make smart decisions and rarely questions them ;) He wants what is best for our family. I could go on and on …

30
April 26, 2007
9:03 am

rach said:

You’re are very blessed to have a wonderful husband. Having a loving husband is one of the greatest treasures in life.

I’m also blessed with a good and loving man. Several months ago, we attended a reunion of my friends. Everyone was doing immaculately well. I thought all my friends were happy since their businesses are thriving. But when the girls were alone, I realized wealth does not always equate to happiness. Some of them complained how their husbands barely had time for them. One of my friends complained that her husband is too strict and she can barely enjoy any freedom like going out with friends and enjoying a sport. He just wants her home all the time. I realized, we may not be able to go to on luxury trips in different parts of the world nor can I buy designer bags and shoes any time I want to (have to save first to get what I want) but I’m happy with my relationship with my husband. He is a family man. He gives us priority over everything else. He loves to cook for us. He doesn’t complain that I don’t know how to cook and terrible at household chores. He loves me and our son.

31
April 26, 2007
2:47 pm

Mary (mert) said:

With out a doubt, his sense of humor. My husband and I love to laugh and crack each other up. I love that .

32
April 27, 2007
4:42 pm

Eve said:

My husband is Mr. Mellow as well. At first it drove me crazy. Now he’s learned not to let me bowl him over, which I can definately try to do sometimes.
I like his work ethic. I don’t know how he has the energy to labor all day (he has a physical job, making cabinetry) and still come home and play with the kids and be the best dad ever. Meanwhile I feel like a wuss because after a full day of housework and kids, I’m ready to throw in the towel early.

33
April 28, 2007
2:02 am

Debby said:

He sounds great! I often feel like I have the best husband in the world when I hear other wives complain. Like yours mine is very even tempered. It makes it really difficult to have an argument with him…especially when I’m PMSing and need a little arguing! Even though he goes to many conferences a year there is no doubt in my mind that he is faithful. It’s just not in his makeup to cheat. He won’t even tell a little white lie or what he calls my “I Love Lucy lies”. He is so honest…he just makes me a better person. My sister says I got the last good man on earth. I doubt that, but they can be hard to find and boy when you get one you just gotta hold on for dear life!

34
April 30, 2007
11:52 am

Twyla said:

Mine’s a keeper too…simply because he loves me unconditionally…faults and all. :-)

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