For those who have been visiting me from the beginning, this story will probably sound familiar to you. It’s not something I care to relive but I’m doing it just for you, Karen. 
It was a typical Monday morning when I was preparing to go to work. I’m usually running around in a mad rush trying to get everyone ready and out of the house on time. However, on this day, I was actually ahead of schedule. I had enough time to drop Girlie Girl off at school, Baby Bug at my parents’ house, and even make a quick stop at Starbucks. Things were looking good!
We were just about ready to leave when I heard a strange sound coming from Baby Bug’s tummy. Now, all my Mommy experiences should have told me to just leave well enough alone. However, my curiosity got the best of me and I opened up her diaper to see what was going on.
The next thing I knew, I was being attacked by flying poop. It was everywhere . . . on the bed, on my clothes, in my hair . . . and ARGHHHHH . . . on my face! I froze in horror. Baby Bug must have felt a lot better since she was now happily squirming in it.
When what happened finally hit me, I knew I had to do something to clean up the mess. But what to do first? Should I clean the bed since the cats were now leaving poop tracks everywhere? Do I clean myself up before the stench started to sink into my pores? Do I clean up Baby Bug before she buries herself in it?
All of a sudden, Girlie Girl appeared at the door and yelled, “Ewww, Mommy, you have doo doo all over you!”
So what started as a peaceful morning turned into chaos as both Baby Bug and I showered and got changed. I stripped the bed and threw everything into the wash. The cats were put outside until I could later wash their paws. We then raced out of the house.
Believe it or not, Girlie Girl made it to school on time and I was able to get on the plane before it left the gate. Starbucks would just have to wait for another time.
BTW, there are 2 contests going on right now that I’m entering this post in.
Pediascribe’s KLEAN “Dirty Stories” Contest
Adventures in Babywearing’s Grosser Than Gross Giveaway
39 Comments on “Attacked By Flying Poop”
7:28 am
I think almost every parent has a story like this.
Oh the horror!
7:53 am
Now that WOULD get you kicked off a plane. (:
kind of a baby bug explosive device.
11:34 am
I can smell it from here….ewwwwww….Parental Horror Stories. Not funny at the time, but they ARE funny when you retell them. And they make such good blog posts
11:58 am
Oh My! At least you were able to get out the door on time.
11:58 am
Thank goodness I never had flying poop. Exploding poop held in by clothing, sure had lots of it, but never flying… and may I never experience that one.
12:07 pm
That’s a bad one! I once came in to what I thought was a napping baby to find poop smeared all over, well, everything. So nice to know we’re not alone!
12:57 pm
Oh mah gah! Parenting is so nasty sometimes!!!! And I think it’s bad when I get some on my hands!
1:42 pm
Oh the joys of being a mommy…EW!! I was similarly attacked by my girlie’s vomit recently…I’m amazed what I can now stomach as mommy that previously would have sent me over the edge vomiting profusely!
3:44 pm
I’m so glad I haven’t had breakfast yet… BLECH!! I have stories close to that level of grossnes… but not quite… eww…
4:52 pm
once when k-bug was about 2 weeks old, john got up at 2am to change her.
when he opened the diaper she wasn’t quite done and shot poo over the railing of the crib onto the floor and him.
he was yelling, woke me from a dead sleep so that I could come help him.
I thought it was hilarious, he still doesn’t see the humor in it, even now.
4:54 pm
I got attacked by flying corn dogs once
Yes, very disgusting. Actually, very, very, very disgusting since they were pre-digested by my Preschooler.
5:20 pm
I’m truly amazed you made it.
I am one of the very lucky few that has no real baby bodily function horror stories. My kids have been neither spitter uppers nor poop shooters.
5:44 pm
The worst part of it was missing Starbucks!
That is definitely a really icky and gross one. I would have started gagging and getting sick on top of everything.
5:45 pm
Oh, hilarious story!!!
It reminds me of when my youngest was a newborn, and there was a fountain of poopie shooting up at me in the middle of the night while my husband slept blissfully on…:)
9:14 pm
Projectile poop, the best kind
We were attacked by number one child, but haven’t yet had the pleasure from the baby girl. Probably because she doesn’t eat enough fruit.
9:26 pm
It’s a plane!
It’s a bird!
NO!
It’s SUPER MOM in acction!
9:34 pm
I am happy to report this NEVER happened to me, and now that my kids are older, it never will! I have, however, been showered by my infant son. Once.
10:08 pm
I am happy to say that I do not have a story like that. I have been lucky. I did almost get peed on a few times but was able to duck just in time. I think I would have been in shock and not known where to begin cleaning up too!
10:36 pm
Oh the joys of reliving those days! I knew the exact feeling you described of the moments afterwards when you can’t decide which crisis to attack first!
Hugs,
Holly
10:45 pm
Eeewwww!!!
At least you got a great post from it, right?
I once got pooped on by my infant niece. I was holding her upright in my lap. Somehow, the liquid poop shot straight up her back, out her pants, onto my pants and soaked me through my jeans and underwear! GROSS. If you think being pooped on by your OWN child is bad, try being pooped on by someone else’s child! I showered on the spot.
11:21 pm
most -if not all mommies must have experienced this kind of thing… i did a year ago when dear was still few months old…and not just once, but more than a couple of times…guess, i was just too quick to let him really finish his act..so, all happened while i was too engrossed cleaning his bottom…
12:04 am
I’ve also been pooped on when getting ready to go! Sounds like you recovered very well, congratulations!
You get a gold star.
1:38 am
Such the multi-tasker you are, Kailani!
Ahhh, I certainly miss the days of wiping heinies. NOT!
I can barely handle baby poop , let alone flying baby poop! Blech.
1:42 am
That’s the second flying poop story I’ve read today!! lol!
Have a safe trip!
3:00 am
I think we’ve all got a story like that one. I’m glad you all made it on time.
4:03 am
Oh my God, what a morning!! The last time I was attacked by the flying poop, it landed in my eyelashes!! the horror…!
6:45 am
Thats so wrong on so many levels! LOL!
I wish I could think of a story about my kids being filthy, but they are both so girly!
2:13 pm
OMG that is truly horrible!!!!!
3:55 pm
Wow…that certainly made me feel better about my potty training mishap with Norah this am…flying poop definitely trumps her fishbowl-like training pants full of t.t.
6:46 pm
I’ve had the exact same thing happen to me. Did you ever see that email that went around with funny kid photos and there was one with a baby on a change table and a wall that was sprayed down big time by poop?
Ahhh, babies.
8:43 pm
aagh! ANOTHER reason not to have them…. I’m gonna have to start hearing some more good kiddie stories soon or I might remain childless for life.
4:17 am
Oh man, what a day that had to have been!
10:05 am
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7:16 pm
How did you keep from puking?? Ick!!
2:51 pm
Oh, this is a perfect GROSS story!
Steph
4:37 pm
I’d rather be hailed by frozen waterballoons!!
Lori
5:12 pm
[...] entered my Attacked by Flying Poop post and would really appreciate it if you took a moment and voted for me. You have until Monday, [...]
1:43 am
Yep-that’s pretty disgusting!
3:13 am
The face part is the doozy!
My sister just found her 2 year old had pooped on the carpet and the boy she babysat decided to paint the whole upstairs with it! Lovely! Can you imagine cleaning that up? Oh, and, she’s 8 months pregnant!
(I'll take good care of it.)